Best Laid Plans and Crazy Quilts...

Hello, my name is Jennifer and I am a plan-aholic…


For my whole life I have been a planner by nature and it is exhausting. I’m not talking about those with a 5 year plan or an extensive retirement plan. I mean that I plan things that other people don’t even consider. For instance, when I sit down to do a scrapbook page I take into account the number of photos to be included, the amount of negative space, tactile and visual textures, the mood I want conveyed through color, visual triangles and all sorts of things that mean nothing to anyone but me. Also, I used to plan my family’s menu a month at a time. I even had a particular day of the week for a certain type of entrée. For example, Monday was ground beef, Tuesday was chicken…etc. And I wrote grocery lists in the order that those items appear in the store. (I know that I will run into cereal before I get to the pasta aisle.) Additionally, by Thanksgiving I have a list of everyone that I intend to buy for and the Christmas gift that they will receive from me. Even as I sit to write this, I have an outline in my mind. These are things that I actually do. Truthfully, I can do them well.


In my heart of hearts, I also had a pretty detailed plan for my life. After college, I would marry the man of my dreams, have a houseful of beautiful children-preferably noisy little boys, have a yellow Lab outside that liked to fetch and would lie down at my feet while I read, teach school, go to church together every Sunday, play ball in the yard, have a cookie jar with only homemade cookies on my kitchen counter, keep an immaculate house, have flowers growing in my yard, have a home where friends were welcome and comfortable, laugh every day, live and love well. For a while, things went according to plan and life was good. Or was it?


Please don’t misunderstand. I would have happily continued down my life’s path without reservation. I adored my life, even with its daily frustrations and daily-ness. There’s something to be said for structure and predictability. Both provide a sense of comfort in a world full of harsh and unexpected realities. But what I’d like to talk about is when your best laid plans crash into that harsh, unexpected wall of reality. What happens to the planner at the helm of that wreckage? What can you do when not only has your plan been altered, but what remains has actually become something you no longer recognize?


I’m finding that a change in plans for the course of your life involves a lot of letting go. For me that is not easy. My plans have always been like a security blanket- Something to cushion the blows of the world and provide a feeling of warmth and order. Not many are willing to give that security up without a fight. So I’m speaking as someone who held on as tightly as possible while the shreds of that blanket were ripped away and all that was left were strings and scraps trailing from my fingers and pooling on the floor.


When the fabric of your life is in a pile of tattered plans and dreams pooling on the floor what can you do?


Before we look to the Word of God to answer that, I want to tell you what not to do. First of all, band-aids do not work. When my hopes and dreams were shattered, I was looking for a quick fix. In my world, a quick fix was trying to repair a marriage that was irreversibly broken. I’m not saying that all marriages are broken beyond repair. After all, the Lord is also known as the Great Physician and He can heal us of all our diseases be they physical, relational or otherwise. However, in the terms of a broken relationship, both parties have to be willing to do whatever it takes to allow God to make the necessary repairs. Both people have to be totally sold out to the cause of Christ and the end result in order for this to work. My band-aid was jumping back in when I heard the first few apologetic words and didn’t hesitate to make sure that repentant actions would follow. The Bible tells us to “test the spirits.” I didn’t. I simply acted based on what I thought was an answer to prayer. If nothing here resonates with you, please allow just this one truth to sink in…a band-aid only helps for a moment. It is not a permanent solution.


After my band-aid plan went awry, I decided to pick up the pieces and pull out the old Singer. Surely a crafty girl like me can take these rags and sew them back just like they used to be. Even with my best attempts, it was a shoddy representation of the original that may have existed only in my mind. The edges didn’t match up anymore. They were too jagged- shredded even. In real life that looked like pretending we were the same family, allowing someone undeserving full access to my heart and home once again. It meant allowing my children to see a mom and dad being affectionate when no actual changes had been made at the heart and character level. In short, it was a blanket of destruction sewn together with a thread of deceit.


This is where God stepped in. Blessedly, I serve a God who doesn’t want me to settle for mediocrity in any area of my life. He offers a new plan, a new way of thinking, a new dream. Do I know what it is? No, absolutely not. Does that frustrate me? Yes, only about a few hundred times a day. Letting go of planning is a toughie for me. But when it happens, it can be a beautiful thing.


Let me digress for just a minute, a quick illustration is needed here. Several years ago, I went on a trip to NYC. A travel agent was in charge. We were herded from restaurant to church to landmark to Broadway play to park…. You get the picture. Not once did I have to plan a thing. I simply enjoyed the trip. I saw things I would have missed if I’d planned it. I experienced things from a different perspective. I had fun that I may not have had otherwise. It was a welcome relief not being the one in charge of planning. I’m very thankful for that memory. It serves as a reminder that sometimes it is better to be a feather and just float with the wind of someone else’s plan, especially if that someone is the expert. For me, that expert is the Lord and I want to go where He wills me to.


So, does God have a plan for me? Most definitely. How do I know? In Jeremiah 29:11 He tells me so. “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for peace and not evil, to give you a future and a hope.” For now, for me, embedding that Truth in my mind and life has to become my plan. Am I good at it? Nope, not always.


Now being a crafty, creative, planner kind of girl, I’ve always been fascinated by the design and planning of quilts. It is an amazing process when all of those little scraps of fabric come together to make such a beautiful work of art. My favorite pattern was always the double wedding ring. I love the conjoined circles and flow of the pattern. It is very precise and I enjoyed the predictability of it. However my tastes have changed, with experience comes a little bit of wisdom. I’m learning to value the random- the not so perfect parts of life. I’m beginning to appreciate the quilts of old, the crazy quilts, that were made out of necessity and using what was on hand- a bit from an old baby dress, a piece of a favorite t-shirt, part of a blanket, a scrap of an old tablecloth. Each piece is a reminder of a bit of life. I’m finding that the random scraps of our lives, if sewn by the hand of God, do create a beautiful piece. What may appear to be a strange jagged edge piece up close, might actually enable the finished product to be exquisite. He knows what pieces to put where. Today, I want to encourage you to trust Him with your tattered plans and dreams. He can do a much better job than you’ll ever be able to. The end result will be a beautiful piece of work that was planned by a Master.